Worried
Tonght during a fairly routine battle over the bedtime, BJ in a rush of excuses about why she was fussing over going to sleep said - No one wants me!
Of course I immediately corrected her - that's not true!, just as I do when she occaisonally says "I am stupid" when she has made a mistake or a poor behavior choice. I correct her, admonish her not to say that because its not true. She is 7, she is learning; sometimes she makes choices that are not right (choosing to stomp up the stairs and scream, you are mean! when I have told her she can not watch another TV show and must go brush her teeth and put on her pajamas)
But I am worried about the lurking self esteem issues. I am stupid is very worrisome in itself - but somehow I feel I can counteract that one. No one wants me, that scares me - that is not a logical conclusion (however wrong the stupid one is, it is directly tied to the feeling of not achieving or knowing something - it can be challenged, redirected, demystified) but not being wanted - thats pure emotion, pure self image.
It scares me. I worry for her.
Of course I immediately corrected her - that's not true!, just as I do when she occaisonally says "I am stupid" when she has made a mistake or a poor behavior choice. I correct her, admonish her not to say that because its not true. She is 7, she is learning; sometimes she makes choices that are not right (choosing to stomp up the stairs and scream, you are mean! when I have told her she can not watch another TV show and must go brush her teeth and put on her pajamas)
But I am worried about the lurking self esteem issues. I am stupid is very worrisome in itself - but somehow I feel I can counteract that one. No one wants me, that scares me - that is not a logical conclusion (however wrong the stupid one is, it is directly tied to the feeling of not achieving or knowing something - it can be challenged, redirected, demystified) but not being wanted - thats pure emotion, pure self image.
It scares me. I worry for her.
posted by marlene at 8:03 PM
3 Comments:
Hi, Marlene, good to see you online.
I would be scared as well. I have no advice to offer, as I am trying to figure it all out myself, but I hope you are able to work through these issues with her, either together or with the help of a counselor.
I'll offer one idea only, which my husband would probably disagree with, LOL. But when I read the sentence about BJ's anger at having to get ready for bed, I thought back to our bedtime routine with our kids were little. I remember that when it was bedtime, I'd turn off the TV and go with them. We'd talk, maybe put a song on the tape player, pull out a book or two. It turned that time, which they could easily have viewed as the end of fun, into fun of its own. It's funny, too - I don't remember when I stopped doing that. I think there just came a point when they both knew they wanted to take care of things on their own, and they'd head off to take a shower or put on PJs.
Anyhow, sorry to ramble, but it jumped to mind. And these days if I don't capture it in writing right away, it's gon!
Best to you!
Marlene, it's good to see you again! I always enjoy learning about how BJ is doing.
I don't have advice to offer you about her current thoughts of no one wanting her, but I hope to learn how you handle that situation, so I'll stop back again!
Wow, that's a heavy thing to hear from your child isn't it? You reassuring her that that is not at all accurate is probably the only thing you can do. Hopefully one day she will feel ready to talk with you about her fears.
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