Always Questions
I read this, and it is beautiful, but I can't help worrying...
Am I setting BJ up for heartbreak by encouraging her of the possibility, to hope for and expect a relationship with L?
How many adoptees face this kind of reunion experience?
I sort of assume it will be tenuous as they figure out what they (BJ and L) want and get to know each other and figure out how to fit it all together. I don't expect perfect. I don't expect roses and running into hugs and tears(though wouldn't it be wonderful?)
But my oh my - just the thought of BJ living with the rejection of longing for a relationship with L and finding L not capable of giving it.
My mother's heart breaks at just the projection of the possibility.
I want to grab this woman, and Mia, and those experiencing this and just hug on them, and feed them baked goods and hot tea and sit them in front of a fire with a cuddly blanket - make it all better
And of course I can do nothing of the sort. And while I could for BJ ... it would be so woefully inadequate.
OK. Putting off the focus on the negative. If that were to happen - we would deal with it. I am not going to focus on it.
I am going to focus on trying to build the best possible foundation for the best possible/ healthiest / happiest reunion experience on BJ' part.
Ultimately - both of them are in God's hands - not mine. May he use me to His Glory and for the purpose of His Love.
Am I setting BJ up for heartbreak by encouraging her of the possibility, to hope for and expect a relationship with L?
How many adoptees face this kind of reunion experience?
I sort of assume it will be tenuous as they figure out what they (BJ and L) want and get to know each other and figure out how to fit it all together. I don't expect perfect. I don't expect roses and running into hugs and tears(though wouldn't it be wonderful?)
But my oh my - just the thought of BJ living with the rejection of longing for a relationship with L and finding L not capable of giving it.
My mother's heart breaks at just the projection of the possibility.
I want to grab this woman, and Mia, and those experiencing this and just hug on them, and feed them baked goods and hot tea and sit them in front of a fire with a cuddly blanket - make it all better
And of course I can do nothing of the sort. And while I could for BJ ... it would be so woefully inadequate.
OK. Putting off the focus on the negative. If that were to happen - we would deal with it. I am not going to focus on it.
I am going to focus on trying to build the best possible foundation for the best possible/ healthiest / happiest reunion experience on BJ' part.
Ultimately - both of them are in God's hands - not mine. May he use me to His Glory and for the purpose of His Love.
posted by marlene at 6:12 AM
2 Comments:
I think all we can do is prepare our kids for all reunion possibilities - but I also believe we should give them hope. Your honesty and openness with BJ is doing that.
Happy New Year, Marlene, I hope your had a good holiday.
Oh well now I'm crying. In my blubbery state I will say that the love and kindness I have been shown by so many of you makes ALL the difference in the world. You actually HAVE given me a cozy place to curl up and heal, so THANK YOU!!!!
I am one lucky woman and BJ is SUPER lucky too.
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