Saturday, February 03, 2007

What do I say about this?

BJ told her best friend that she was adopted. Friend didn't believe her. I didn't hear the conversation. BJ just told me. BJ's friend's mom is a good friend of mine who doesn't know that BJ is adopted because last summer BJ asked hubby and I not to tell anyone she was adopted.

I don't know what to say to BJ. When she told me, I just said does A know what adopted means? BJ said ... YES MOOOOOOOM!

I am waiting for my fried to ask me, but she hasn't so apparently A didn't say anything to her mom. If mom asks me, I will obviously be open and honest. But I didn't expect that reaction for BJ.


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10:50 AM  
Blogger Third Mom said...

It's so complicated, because we always want to respect our children's wishes, but also need to be prepared for when they take the initiative to talk about adoption with their friends.

For BJ's friend to say she didn't believe her is a strange reaction, and had to be hard for BJ to process. Here she is wanting to be honest about her identity, and a friend questions her. This is a tough one.

I wonder, too, if your friend knows from her daughter that BJ is adopted, but is uncomfortable asking you about it? Maybe you could talk to BJ and suggest that you be allowed to discuss it with your friend.

12:47 PM  
Blogger janets said...

Marlene, this is a tricky one. From an adoptee's point of view, I know how awful it is not to be believed by friends that you're adopted. When I was a kid, one of my brother's friends asked me if he was adopted. I thought he said "a doctor", so I said that of course he wasn't. My brother came running up to me later, anger all over his face, asking why I had said he wasn't adopted. I felt terrible.
I agree with the last comment that perhaps you should ask BJ's permission to let your friend know, as she could be too shy to say anything. You'd be amazed at people's reluctance to talk about adoption. Good luck.

7:05 PM  

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