Birth Stories
BJ has been asking about her birth lately. Little questions here and there. Where was I born, What time of day was it, how big was I.
Normal kid stuff at this age. I am so thankful I can answer almost everything.
She has heard the story many times of where I was when she was born, but of course I didn't know it till later. I had told her what hospital she was born in, the town.
But it is funny how things collide. I have been reading several stories, blogs, and videos where adoptees talk about missing having never heard the details. So I feel good being able to give the details, small details.
Last night when she asked again, I took it from time of birth to her first plane trip with the foster home at 7 days old.
I stopped, but in my head I thought I should have said and during those days, L was thinking and praying and worrying about what was the best thing for you.
Next time, some time. But like most things I wonder about the line. Where is the line between saying what is not mine to say, sharing what I know or believe to ensure a positive perception of L in BJ's birth story, and not including L in the story when it is normal and natural to.
Its an ongoing saga.
Normal kid stuff at this age. I am so thankful I can answer almost everything.
She has heard the story many times of where I was when she was born, but of course I didn't know it till later. I had told her what hospital she was born in, the town.
But it is funny how things collide. I have been reading several stories, blogs, and videos where adoptees talk about missing having never heard the details. So I feel good being able to give the details, small details.
Last night when she asked again, I took it from time of birth to her first plane trip with the foster home at 7 days old.
I stopped, but in my head I thought I should have said and during those days, L was thinking and praying and worrying about what was the best thing for you.
Next time, some time. But like most things I wonder about the line. Where is the line between saying what is not mine to say, sharing what I know or believe to ensure a positive perception of L in BJ's birth story, and not including L in the story when it is normal and natural to.
Its an ongoing saga.
posted by marlene at 2:21 PM
3 Comments:
Glad to see you back. I've been missing you! You have such an amazing insightful view on things and I'm hoping to continue learning from ya.
It does bother me that I know so little of my son's early days. I'm hoping to learn as much as I can from his foster mother and to remain in contact with her. I know it will be an invaluable resource for him in the future.
I know it's difficult to fill in the blanks but I guess as an adoptee I can say honesty would always be the best policy. I think it's easy to make something be more than it is simply out of desire for it to be so.
The fact that you are even giving this thought speaks volumes for you!
Mia, I treasure your input on my thoughts as one having walked where my daughter tenderly steps now.
I guess what I am taking from your comment and my reflection on it is that the best thing I could say is "I imagine, or I believe from what L wrote on the forms, that she must have spent those days struggling over what she thought was best to do given the circumstances." Be honest with what is my perception. You are so right, it is SO easy to fill in what I think. What I don't want to do is not mention L when what we are talking about is the most natural topic to her existence and relationship, like the birth story. Because unfortunately it is also true as an adoptive mom, because my experience of her birth doesn't have contact with L, for me to focus on my memories and inadvertently not mention L.
Your words help. Though approaching this openly and honestly is not new, it is good reminder when I get caught up in what is "right". Own what I know and don't know and be honest.
I like your new blog btw.
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