Conversations
On the way back from K-Mart looking for a cooler,
from the back seat...
"Mom, do you think adopted is the best thing ever?"
me: Well, adoption..
BJ: No, adoptED
me: I think adoption has some happy things and some sad things.
BJ: What is the sad thing.
me: The sad thing is that you don't have L, and the happy thing is that you do have our family. And hopefully some day that you will have both. It is sad that L was so sick.
BJ: I never got to see her.
Me: We are going to send her a picture of you at Christmas and tell her we would really like to hear from her.
BJ: But that won't work!
Me: I don't know. I don't know if your first mother is still sick or not.
BJ: But you are my second mother, you are not my real mom.
Me: Well, I think we are both your real moms. We just have different parts of your life. I am your adoptive mom, or just mom.
BJ: Do I still have the drugs in me?
Me: No.
BJ: But I thought I had them in me.
Me: Yes, you did, but the doctors gave you medicine to get it out and then asked the social workers to take care of you until they could figure out what to do.
BJ: Did I have Pneumonia?
Me: Yes, but that was months later when you were a baby and had been in our family for awhile.
BJ: Did anyone else in our family have Pnuemonia?
Me: I did but I didn't know it for awhile. I was getting sick a lot while taking care of you, but I didn't know I had caught it for several months.
Me: But going back to your question, being adopted is just one piece of who you are, an important part - but it is not ALL of you.
BJ: Not just a piece! It is all of me!
Me: Aren't you also a girl who likes to ride her bike, who is smart, and funny, a (our last name)girl (we used to say - last name girls are smart!strong!fun!).
BJ - yes. I like to rollerskate too.
Me: I think of it like your name. Your name (B) is you, and dad and I gave you that name and your middle name (J) is you and L gave you that name. You are both.
from the back seat...
"Mom, do you think adopted is the best thing ever?"
me: Well, adoption..
BJ: No, adoptED
me: I think adoption has some happy things and some sad things.
BJ: What is the sad thing.
me: The sad thing is that you don't have L, and the happy thing is that you do have our family. And hopefully some day that you will have both. It is sad that L was so sick.
BJ: I never got to see her.
Me: We are going to send her a picture of you at Christmas and tell her we would really like to hear from her.
BJ: But that won't work!
Me: I don't know. I don't know if your first mother is still sick or not.
BJ: But you are my second mother, you are not my real mom.
Me: Well, I think we are both your real moms. We just have different parts of your life. I am your adoptive mom, or just mom.
BJ: Do I still have the drugs in me?
Me: No.
BJ: But I thought I had them in me.
Me: Yes, you did, but the doctors gave you medicine to get it out and then asked the social workers to take care of you until they could figure out what to do.
BJ: Did I have Pneumonia?
Me: Yes, but that was months later when you were a baby and had been in our family for awhile.
BJ: Did anyone else in our family have Pnuemonia?
Me: I did but I didn't know it for awhile. I was getting sick a lot while taking care of you, but I didn't know I had caught it for several months.
Me: But going back to your question, being adopted is just one piece of who you are, an important part - but it is not ALL of you.
BJ: Not just a piece! It is all of me!
Me: Aren't you also a girl who likes to ride her bike, who is smart, and funny, a (our last name)girl (we used to say - last name girls are smart!strong!fun!).
BJ - yes. I like to rollerskate too.
Me: I think of it like your name. Your name (B) is you, and dad and I gave you that name and your middle name (J) is you and L gave you that name. You are both.
posted by marlene at 1:33 PM
2 Comments:
okay, holey freaking crap. how do you manage this? amazing. you are a super mom. bj is amazing. clearly gets that from you. hugs.
Thanks Suz, but I am not super, I am just struggling through mixed blessings and unknowns of adoption like everyone else, trying to find that balance of what is right and what is best for my child in terms of age appropriate. I have another post half written about my anxieties after this conversation when the quiet set in. I just haven't had time to write it out yet.
I think I found a couple really close my spaces, and I don't know that L would be on there. I just don't understand the comments - it feels like seeing half a conversation - there is no connecting link between the threads. I heard about Xanga and will probably look there. I might have to go back through the state she lives in within the next six-twelve months and may just do that drive by that didn't work out before. Oh, but a photo off the internet would be such a boon without the trauma...
And then I have also been wondering. What if she is sitting there thinking - they contacted me and said they wanted to send photos and nothing has come....not getting that I thought she would email me and tell me yes or no on the photo. So maybe after christmas when I send the card/photo we will get a response.
Post a Comment
<< Home