Movies
Tonight, after bath and laying out clothes for first day of school tomorrow, BJ wanted to watch 10 minutes of TV before going up for story and bedtime. We went downstairs and turned on the Disney Channel. They were showing a movie we have seen a number of times before.
BJ likes the movie... Snow Dogs.
She likes the dogs, she likes the fun. I like the movie too.
Except the first 10 minutes.
See the premise of this show is that the main character was adopted and never knew it until his first mother passes away and he is served with a summons to appear for the reading of the will. THEN his adoptive mother tells him he was adopted (a grown man, presumably in his 30s). He faints, then cuts to a scene on the beach where he wonders if he was meant to be someone else, then cut to the reading of the will. After the reading of the will, a friend of the deceased, asks him if all he wants to do is go through her stuff, and the adoptee asks - do I owe her anything else? She pawned off her kid.
That's the first 10 minutes.
I changed the channel a couple times, talking about how the beginning of the movie didn't have the dogs in it anyway (what she leaves him are her bobsled dogs, her most cherished posession).
We finally ended up back there, with nothing on. I should have just turned it off.
Anyway, I am OK with the part where he is confused and angry I guess. But the whole she never told him and fainting thing, and his confusion. SO not OK for BJ. But again, she has seen this before.
So, sitting there with BJ and hubby and my mom who is visiting. I couldn't not say something. I didn't want to make it a big deal, or turn any mention of adoption into this huge formal conversation. But I couldn't just let such negative messages go by.
So, After he fainted, I just said, sort of in the direction of the TV. He is shocked and surprised because he was never told of the adoption. That is not right, a person deserves to know that. That is why he fainted.
I just don't want messages that adoption is bad, shocking, something to be ashamed of hitting her at this age, and right now where we are just exploring what it means to her personhood. There certainly is enough grief and loss in adoption without media putting it out as something horrible.
My hope and what I work for is that she never has to "re-examine" her life, because her adoptive history will have always been a part of it. She will likely have some "re-visiting" when she shares with L her growing up, but I don't want her to feel like she lived a "fake" life.
For adults, this movie's reaction isn't necesarilly alarming, especially with the set up of not knowing about the adoption until adulthood. And certainly as the film progresses and he learns about his first mother, searches for the identity of his father, and yet embraces and loves his adoptive mother continually - it is an integrated and lovely story. But those first 10 minutes. And 10 minutes is all we had tonight.
It's almost as bad as the Lilo and Stitch movie (which I DON'T let her watch the original, only the tv cartoons) That one had me up in arms. A DISNEY cartoon, where the social service CPS worker is the bad guy, and repeatedly threatens to remove the child from her sister's care after. Who in the world thought that was appropriate for children!!!
BJ likes the movie... Snow Dogs.
She likes the dogs, she likes the fun. I like the movie too.
Except the first 10 minutes.
See the premise of this show is that the main character was adopted and never knew it until his first mother passes away and he is served with a summons to appear for the reading of the will. THEN his adoptive mother tells him he was adopted (a grown man, presumably in his 30s). He faints, then cuts to a scene on the beach where he wonders if he was meant to be someone else, then cut to the reading of the will. After the reading of the will, a friend of the deceased, asks him if all he wants to do is go through her stuff, and the adoptee asks - do I owe her anything else? She pawned off her kid.
That's the first 10 minutes.
I changed the channel a couple times, talking about how the beginning of the movie didn't have the dogs in it anyway (what she leaves him are her bobsled dogs, her most cherished posession).
We finally ended up back there, with nothing on. I should have just turned it off.
Anyway, I am OK with the part where he is confused and angry I guess. But the whole she never told him and fainting thing, and his confusion. SO not OK for BJ. But again, she has seen this before.
So, sitting there with BJ and hubby and my mom who is visiting. I couldn't not say something. I didn't want to make it a big deal, or turn any mention of adoption into this huge formal conversation. But I couldn't just let such negative messages go by.
So, After he fainted, I just said, sort of in the direction of the TV. He is shocked and surprised because he was never told of the adoption. That is not right, a person deserves to know that. That is why he fainted.
I just don't want messages that adoption is bad, shocking, something to be ashamed of hitting her at this age, and right now where we are just exploring what it means to her personhood. There certainly is enough grief and loss in adoption without media putting it out as something horrible.
My hope and what I work for is that she never has to "re-examine" her life, because her adoptive history will have always been a part of it. She will likely have some "re-visiting" when she shares with L her growing up, but I don't want her to feel like she lived a "fake" life.
For adults, this movie's reaction isn't necesarilly alarming, especially with the set up of not knowing about the adoption until adulthood. And certainly as the film progresses and he learns about his first mother, searches for the identity of his father, and yet embraces and loves his adoptive mother continually - it is an integrated and lovely story. But those first 10 minutes. And 10 minutes is all we had tonight.
It's almost as bad as the Lilo and Stitch movie (which I DON'T let her watch the original, only the tv cartoons) That one had me up in arms. A DISNEY cartoon, where the social service CPS worker is the bad guy, and repeatedly threatens to remove the child from her sister's care after. Who in the world thought that was appropriate for children!!!
posted by marlene at 9:02 PM
2 Comments:
I am an adopted mom but being also adopted myself I have a diffreent perspective on it all. Growing up I never saw a show about adoption that made me think about my self being adopted. I think you are probably sensative to it but if you don't make a big deal about it - your child proably won't either. I guess I always knew everyone's story is different, and tv wasn't real....i don't know---i just really did't associate those stories with me.
Thanks petunia.
Feedback like that is really helpful. I love hearing from people in all experiences with adoption. Plus this is particularly reassuring to me. I want BJ to have a well integrated perception of her adoption experience, but - or and - I hope that our being open about it makes it so that she doesn't necessarily incorporate negative messages about adoption into her own self image.
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