Common Ground
This post is one of those things where I think adoptive and first mothers often share the same or similar thoughts, but may not know it.
I HATE it when I hear someone say a child is or was unwanted. It raises my shackles for about my daughter because, I KNOW she is loved and wanted with the deepest love by TWO women, at least and has many many more people in her life who would lay down their own for her sake. My daughter was not unwanted. For whatever reasons, she could not be protected in the family she was born to, and MANY people sacrificed to make sure she was safe. Love and Wanted were never in question.
And without trying to minimize anyone's pain over loss -there is still truth --- I WANT and WANTED her VERY MUCH. She is my Joy. She is a unique individual whose very existence blesses this world and this family.
But besides that, and not wanting to get to far into the whole abortion issue, because I know that is an area inside and outside of adoption communities that is likely to start flames (no flaming here please) - No CHILD is unwanted. They were born. The mother and even more so, God - the creator of the universe, the One who knits us together in our mother's wombs - WANTS us.
It is a huge pet peeve of mine. And I wanted to just share that. Comments were closed on the original poster, which makes me think she did not want to start something, I am unaware was likely to trigger. So please be kind if you comment here, to both of us. We are often coming to this journey from vastly different points of view, but we are both Mama Bears protecting cubs. That is our common ground.
I HATE it when I hear someone say a child is or was unwanted. It raises my shackles for about my daughter because, I KNOW she is loved and wanted with the deepest love by TWO women, at least and has many many more people in her life who would lay down their own for her sake. My daughter was not unwanted. For whatever reasons, she could not be protected in the family she was born to, and MANY people sacrificed to make sure she was safe. Love and Wanted were never in question.
And without trying to minimize anyone's pain over loss -there is still truth --- I WANT and WANTED her VERY MUCH. She is my Joy. She is a unique individual whose very existence blesses this world and this family.
But besides that, and not wanting to get to far into the whole abortion issue, because I know that is an area inside and outside of adoption communities that is likely to start flames (no flaming here please) - No CHILD is unwanted. They were born. The mother and even more so, God - the creator of the universe, the One who knits us together in our mother's wombs - WANTS us.
It is a huge pet peeve of mine. And I wanted to just share that. Comments were closed on the original poster, which makes me think she did not want to start something, I am unaware was likely to trigger. So please be kind if you comment here, to both of us. We are often coming to this journey from vastly different points of view, but we are both Mama Bears protecting cubs. That is our common ground.
posted by marlene at 5:42 AM
2 Comments:
sadly,i think closed adoption contributes to this stereotype. why else would you try to "protect" the child from their natural families? are you trying to protect them from the information that they were not wanted? why else would you pretend they were some dirty little secret? why else would you keep them from their natural family? (Cuz that family doesnt want to see them? NO!)Cuz they were "unwanted", bad, cuz their birth "ruined" the family reputation, destroyed the mother.
Its all bullpoop.
I agree with you. I wanted my daughter but those around me did not (my extended family) and I had no way to support her, place to live, etc. When I went looking for that support, that information, I sadly fell into the hands of a baby broker who found me easy prey.
I would also add to your thoughts that EVERY SINGLE BABY BORN is meant to be. My daughter is an angel sent by Gods I dont believe in. She saved my life.
And you know, on abortion, I could have done that. I am prochoice, I had looked into it, I had people off to pay for it, but I didnt? WHY? BECAUSE I WANTED HER.
Yes!!!! This issue should be discussed more often. I recently overheard 2 moms at a gymnastics class talking about adoption. One mom said "I can't imagine not wanting my child" in reference to mothers who place their children for adoption. It bothered me sooo much that this is the sterotype. I've also heard the comment "why would anyone have given up such a cute baby?" Like mothers give up "ugly" babies? My children were never unwanted by their birth parents as is the case for the huge huge majority of adopted children.
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