Gifts

I have been an internet sleuth again.

I was able to confirm that L did indeed have a second child one year after BJ was born. I have his name and birthdate. There was also a third child. She is raising both of them.

I am glad to know this, and it gives me understanding of why I might not hear from her for awhile. But it also gives me pause. This is a relationship I KNOW BJ would want to have, even now - and I can't get that for her. Not yet.

And I can't keep this information from BJ, but I don't know when is the right time to introduce it and how. She will be very upset and really beg to see them and I will have to tell her we can't. If I had known before it could have maybe been casually introduced. But at this point - it is a revelation. No way around it.

I would really like to have a photo of them for her. I want a photo of L for BJ, but also for me.
So, I am sitting with it. It raises more questions in my mind than it answers. But in a really strange way it also makes me OK with not hearing right away. Or rather, more empathetic about not hearing right away.

So the plan. Wait patiently and hope. Continue to think and talk to those who have walked this path about how and when to share this info with BJ. And as soon as BJ asks me to find L, I call an intermediary and we show up. Right now, I am driving this process and I feel it would be unconcienable to just descend on L and her family not knowing if she has even told them about BJ. I have no right to be the trigger of her WTF moment, if that hasn't happened yet - or to break any privacy she may have.

While I don't want to hurt L, when BJ understands and wants contact, then I am willing to take more risks on L's behalf.

But the info is a gift. I treasure any bit I can get. It goes in a file for BJ, for the day I gift it to her.

Photos are a dream.