What I didn't Say
Tonight is a night of realizations, and now regret.
I visited the Soul of Adoption board tonight for the first time. I was reading about an adoptive mom who was struggling about contacting a birthmother where the situation was also similar to mine. The child was removed from the mother's custody by CPS. She spoke of trying to figure out what to say. People gave her some suggestions.
It hit me. In my effort to keep my note brief, positive and mostly vague enought that L would know who was writing her and why but that anyone else who might accidently read it wouldn't be able to know that L had placed a child for adoption (at the time of the adoption she had not told her parents of the pregnancy), I had only said what I wanted about contact.
I never told her that BJ was well.
How could I have forgotten that? I am sure I could have referenced it without giving up the "note from a friend" feel to it.
I visited the Soul of Adoption board tonight for the first time. I was reading about an adoptive mom who was struggling about contacting a birthmother where the situation was also similar to mine. The child was removed from the mother's custody by CPS. She spoke of trying to figure out what to say. People gave her some suggestions.
It hit me. In my effort to keep my note brief, positive and mostly vague enought that L would know who was writing her and why but that anyone else who might accidently read it wouldn't be able to know that L had placed a child for adoption (at the time of the adoption she had not told her parents of the pregnancy), I had only said what I wanted about contact.
I never told her that BJ was well.
How could I have forgotten that? I am sure I could have referenced it without giving up the "note from a friend" feel to it.
posted by marlene at 6:20 PM
1 Comments:
you can always write again. say you have not heard from her, you dont want to push, but you want her to know you are thinking of her, that when/if she feels able that you will weclome contact. did you enclose a picture of L in the first note?
it could truly be years before she is capable of looking at the pain of her situation. its a helluva lot easier to ignore.
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