In-Laws
I wrote that to someone this week, and hearing it come out of my mouth, I heard the truth of it.
As I get ready to drop a note in the mail to L, but try to restrain myself at least until I talk to an intermediary on Monday, I am thinking about what I want from this a lot.
I have a pretty clear picture of what I am hoping for:
1. A quick response (I want her to take as much time as she needs, and hope I am not triggering more pain, but you know, I also hope I hear back soon).
2. The ability to initially send photos of BJ and a newsy letter about her life.
3. A photo of L.
4. Ongoing email contact.
And eventually what do I want the relationship to be -
When BJ is grown I hope she has a healthy and close knit relationship with L, but I guess I sort of expect to have my own relationship with L. Because BJ is so much the joy and center of my life, I feel connected to L. This woman I know so little about - only a few sheets of paper. But it is like growing up knowing about my (half) sisters living a continent away. I didn't know them, but inherently knew they were a part of me. It is the same way I feel about L.
I picture it like an in-laws who get along relationship. The relationship is there - the contact doesn't have to depend on BJ being "in the middle" or present at every situation. But the relationship certainly exists because of and to support BJ. Two separate families that join because of mutual love for the grown children.
That is what I hope to be laying the groundwork for.
Plus, I can't get past - I really want to see what L. looks like.
As I get ready to drop a note in the mail to L, but try to restrain myself at least until I talk to an intermediary on Monday, I am thinking about what I want from this a lot.
I have a pretty clear picture of what I am hoping for:
1. A quick response (I want her to take as much time as she needs, and hope I am not triggering more pain, but you know, I also hope I hear back soon).
2. The ability to initially send photos of BJ and a newsy letter about her life.
3. A photo of L.
4. Ongoing email contact.
And eventually what do I want the relationship to be -
When BJ is grown I hope she has a healthy and close knit relationship with L, but I guess I sort of expect to have my own relationship with L. Because BJ is so much the joy and center of my life, I feel connected to L. This woman I know so little about - only a few sheets of paper. But it is like growing up knowing about my (half) sisters living a continent away. I didn't know them, but inherently knew they were a part of me. It is the same way I feel about L.
I picture it like an in-laws who get along relationship. The relationship is there - the contact doesn't have to depend on BJ being "in the middle" or present at every situation. But the relationship certainly exists because of and to support BJ. Two separate families that join because of mutual love for the grown children.
That is what I hope to be laying the groundwork for.
Plus, I can't get past - I really want to see what L. looks like.
posted by marlene at 1:48 AM
2 Comments:
isnt that visual thing amaazing? the need to SEE what your childs bio ancestors look like? I cannot even begin to describe (and I have written about it many times) how much my daughters LOOKS just do something to me. Its surreal.
If you havent already, I encourage you to talk ALOT with moms in open adoptions (Dawn, Heidi, etc.) The seem to be making it work and its wonderful.
You are an amazing woman and BJ is blessed beyond words to have a mama like you that cares about her ENTIRE being...best of luck.
suz, thanks :)
kim, yes, I agree it will be it's own type of relationship, but in law is the closest I can associate it with - each having their own relationship with her, but loosely linked also :)
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