Thoughts on reunion from an adult adoptee
Posting (stealing) this from Thin Pink Line, so I can find it for BJ - if and when...
"Enjoy this exciting time and you newfound relationships, but stay true to yourself. Do not deny your own emotions whatever they might be. Know, that you are the innocent in this equation, the one who didn't have a choice about how your life played out so be sure to respect that fact. Allow yourself to be looked after, by yourself, by your loved ones. Allow yourself whatever space and time you need. Only give as much of yourself as you can without feeling emotionally overextended. Don't let anyone make you feel that you need to be their primary source of reassurance. Be prepared for your feelings to evolve and change. Know that the amount of involvement you want to have with your newfound family may ebb and flow over the years, and that's o.k. The same may happen for them. Reunion might sometimes feel completely overwhelming. Reunion is not a static state, just as adoption is not a static state. It will wax, wane and morph into different shapes and nuances over the years. Allow yourself to have expecations met. Allow yourseslf to grieve those that aren't. Allow yourself to set boundaries and prepare yourself that they might be ignored. Know that you might occasionally feel selfish when you need to take time to protect your heart, know that you truly aren't. And I guess.... know that you're not alone.
"Enjoy this exciting time and you newfound relationships, but stay true to yourself. Do not deny your own emotions whatever they might be. Know, that you are the innocent in this equation, the one who didn't have a choice about how your life played out so be sure to respect that fact. Allow yourself to be looked after, by yourself, by your loved ones. Allow yourself whatever space and time you need. Only give as much of yourself as you can without feeling emotionally overextended. Don't let anyone make you feel that you need to be their primary source of reassurance. Be prepared for your feelings to evolve and change. Know that the amount of involvement you want to have with your newfound family may ebb and flow over the years, and that's o.k. The same may happen for them. Reunion might sometimes feel completely overwhelming. Reunion is not a static state, just as adoption is not a static state. It will wax, wane and morph into different shapes and nuances over the years. Allow yourself to have expecations met. Allow yourseslf to grieve those that aren't. Allow yourself to set boundaries and prepare yourself that they might be ignored. Know that you might occasionally feel selfish when you need to take time to protect your heart, know that you truly aren't. And I guess.... know that you're not alone.
posted by marlene at 5:07 PM
2 Comments:
Hi Marlene,
In search of adoption related websites on the internet I came accross your blog. As admin of poundpuplegacy.org an adoption related web community, I made a link available to your blog and a feed of your posts to our website as to promote your writing. Please pay us a visit and see for yourself.
~poundpup
I like that -- it is different from one adoptee to the next and it's different and changes for us throught our life. The way I feel now may change....it's good to know I'm not the only one who feels that way.
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