Thoughts on reform
I have been reading an anti adoption board.
I think that in the situations of voluntary private adoptions (meaning not CPS involved) where a pregnant woman is considering adoption
maybe
In addition to a required "homework" of making a parenting plan even if they don't intend to parent, just so they know they could the expectant mother should be required to:
Interview 2-3 women who placed children for adoption more than 1 year ago.
Take the baby home for a 24-72 hours before being allowed to relinquish.
There probably should be a method for exceptions if the woman has no place to stay (but the adoption agency could pay for a hotel for a couple days) or if the woman is in an abusive or dangerous situation (again, agency should help her get out of said situation first) or some other unforseen unique circumstance.
But what could it hurt? It might be more painful for the mother, if she does decide to place than not having those days. But its not like it's not painful anyway. If the result is fewer placements, I think (in the abstract) that the extra pain for a couple days would be worth the grief saved for a lifetime of those who didn't.
This doesn't fit every situation. But I mean for the woman who "goes back and forth" can't decide, etc. The woman who is deciding this primarily because she is in an unplanned pregnancy and society immediately thrusts the question: abort, parent or adopt? at her. She should have to write out the solution to any financial or emotional support questions. She should have to hold her baby before she decides.
It has always angered me when women abort because the pregnancy would be an inconvenience -would interupt school, social life etc.
The more I read, I am upset that so many women seem pointed to adoption in an unplanned pregnancy just because they haven't finished college, don't have a job, and aren't married. That is just plain wrong.
When did we come to the point as a society that we started telling women that getting pregnant will ruin their lives?
You know, my husband was born to an unwed mother abandoned by the father. She worked in a factory. She is disabled now with mental illness. His childhood has a lot of horror stories. I guess some could say he would have "been better off" adopted. Well, wouldn't we all be "better off" with more money, education, and nicer homes? That doesn't mean either one of their lives was RUINED. I had never thought of them before now in terms of a potential adoption situation. We have always just been grateful she didn't abort.
I do believe if a woman is considering abortion, adoption is the better solution.
I do believe adoption is appropriate when the mother is truly incapable due to terminal illness, drug abuse, mental retardation, inability to keep herself or the child safe from abuse.
In those cases, my proposals as part of reform wouldn't necessarily all be appropriate in every case.
They are just initial thoughts anyway. But I think the fact that firstmothers are reaching out to pregnant women online who clearly are not considering abortion and asking them to consider that this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, is a fabulous thing. Reform, woman to woman. What a way to start :)
I think that in the situations of voluntary private adoptions (meaning not CPS involved) where a pregnant woman is considering adoption
maybe
In addition to a required "homework" of making a parenting plan even if they don't intend to parent, just so they know they could the expectant mother should be required to:
Interview 2-3 women who placed children for adoption more than 1 year ago.
Take the baby home for a 24-72 hours before being allowed to relinquish.
There probably should be a method for exceptions if the woman has no place to stay (but the adoption agency could pay for a hotel for a couple days) or if the woman is in an abusive or dangerous situation (again, agency should help her get out of said situation first) or some other unforseen unique circumstance.
But what could it hurt? It might be more painful for the mother, if she does decide to place than not having those days. But its not like it's not painful anyway. If the result is fewer placements, I think (in the abstract) that the extra pain for a couple days would be worth the grief saved for a lifetime of those who didn't.
This doesn't fit every situation. But I mean for the woman who "goes back and forth" can't decide, etc. The woman who is deciding this primarily because she is in an unplanned pregnancy and society immediately thrusts the question: abort, parent or adopt? at her. She should have to write out the solution to any financial or emotional support questions. She should have to hold her baby before she decides.
It has always angered me when women abort because the pregnancy would be an inconvenience -would interupt school, social life etc.
The more I read, I am upset that so many women seem pointed to adoption in an unplanned pregnancy just because they haven't finished college, don't have a job, and aren't married. That is just plain wrong.
When did we come to the point as a society that we started telling women that getting pregnant will ruin their lives?
You know, my husband was born to an unwed mother abandoned by the father. She worked in a factory. She is disabled now with mental illness. His childhood has a lot of horror stories. I guess some could say he would have "been better off" adopted. Well, wouldn't we all be "better off" with more money, education, and nicer homes? That doesn't mean either one of their lives was RUINED. I had never thought of them before now in terms of a potential adoption situation. We have always just been grateful she didn't abort.
I do believe if a woman is considering abortion, adoption is the better solution.
I do believe adoption is appropriate when the mother is truly incapable due to terminal illness, drug abuse, mental retardation, inability to keep herself or the child safe from abuse.
In those cases, my proposals as part of reform wouldn't necessarily all be appropriate in every case.
They are just initial thoughts anyway. But I think the fact that firstmothers are reaching out to pregnant women online who clearly are not considering abortion and asking them to consider that this is a permanent solution to a temporary problem, is a fabulous thing. Reform, woman to woman. What a way to start :)
posted by marlene at 1:55 PM
4 Comments:
absolutely agree with you.
Ah...I adore it when we all agree!!! Hope lives!
Yes I think you're right, about holding the baby, maybe nursing? and taking the baby home if there is a safe home to go to... what about interim care when mom wants that? I did interim care and saw babies go back home with mom, after she thought about it. One ended up with dad, when mom couldn't get it together but didn't want adoption. Both my adopted sons came to me after interim care, when mom and dad had time to make sure of their choice.
All, I was sharing with a friend at lunch this week all I have come to learn from you about adoption reform. She isn't involved in adoption personally, but she so got it right away. Women have a lot of power when we join together. I am praying now that I may be used in small ways initially, to contribute to making lives better - helping to change at least how pregnant women in crisis are treated. Do you know of a place called Esperanza? It is in the Coachella Valley in California. I used to support them financially and I think I should research them more and if they are what I thought they were, do so again. They help teen mothers - but its not adoption oriented. It's get your highschool diploma, pregnancy prevention I think, and a safe place to stay.
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